I polished off season 2 of Community yesterday. Really great series. Looking forward to season 3.
I also visited my Nonna for dinner and think I should do a video blog of her reviewing TV shows after she described Man vs. Wild to me…
This man… (TUTS) ..so stupid. He catch fish and then… (MIMICS TAKING A BITE) ..eat it. I think so he get sick later. No good for the stomach. You catch fish. First kill, then cut and take bone out. Then eat fish. Much better for stomach this way.
My Nonno, on the other hand, loves the show.
On my way home, I dropped into my old workplace between 2003 and 2006 – Coles Northland. It has moved since I worked there, but I had a brief chat with an ex-coworker who is still there casually after all these years. I couldn’t really believe that five years have passed since I last worked there.
Something else I watched, Studio Ghibli’s latest offering – The Borrower Arrietty. The most amazing aspect of this film is the sound design. It’s another wonderful addition to the Studio Ghibli stable of films. If I had one tenth of the creative genius that these guys and gals have managed to display in so many features, I’d be eternally grateful.
I think my internet woes are finally behind me. A technician from Telstra came out to fix up the problem and now I’m getting faster speeds than ever. This can only mean one thing – moar downloading.
I really should get to writing my mashup story for today. Here goes!
La Cosa Nosferatu
The basement of Don Giovanni’s restaurant was our headquarters. It was after midnight on a Wednesday. The Don himself was sitting behind his desk as Jimmy Quits, Knuckles and Tommy Two Fists sat at the poker table across the room, making all sorts of a ruckus. I was chewing on a toothpick while shuffling the next hand.
The name’s Vinny. Most people around here call me V. We’re big-time in a small town, just outside-a Delaware. We got this town exactly where we want it. Nobody messes with us unless they want to be messed with.
Life was good. More importantly, life was easy. This was all until Paulie came busting in after what should have been a pretty routine B&E, flapping his yap with all sorta crazy talk.
“Boss, boss. There’s some whacky fruit out there trying to mess with us.”
“Paulie. Come stai? Relax. Take a seat and tell us what happened.”
“OK. So I was over at the drug store, waiting for the right time to bust in the back with my crowbar when this loon jumps off the roof in a cape and pushes me to the ground…”
I interrupt. “The roof? Paulie, that’s gotta be at least 15 – 20 feet high? You tellin’ me he just jumped off without a problem?”
“Do I look like I’m stickin’ ya mother now?”
“Ay, watch your mouth before I slap the cannoli outta ya.” The Don settles this before we get out of hand.
“V, aspetta, aspetta! Paulie, did this guy break anything on the fall?”
“No, boss. This is what I mean. I don’t know if I broke his fall, but it’s like he kinda… Glided into me, because there was no force behind his fall.”
Don signalled to Jimmy Quits, Knuckles and Tommy Two Fists to go and investigate. “Call us on the public phone across the road when you arrive if you don’t find nothin’. Please, Paulie, continue.” The Don pours himself another whiskey and signals to me, I wave it off.
“Right. So I’m all, ‘You fuckin’ fruit.’ and I pull my .38 on him and pump three rounds into him – pop, pop, pop! He falls to the ground, so I walk over to his body and kick it over, wanting to see this fucker’s face and he’s wearing like, that mime makeup and all this fucking black eye stuff and red lipstick. I lean down to take a closer look…”
“What’d ya wanna do, give Snow White a kiss?”
“Fuckin’ funny man over here. Tell ya sister my balls say ‘Hi’.”
“That’s enough, you two. V, let him finish.”
“So I lean down there and the fucker jumps up and bites me – right ‘ere on the neck – and then moves like nothing I ever seen before up the side a-da building and off to the fruit farm.”
The Don and I look at one another with blank stares. Reason being, Paulie’s numbers hadn’t been great recently. Everything was down across the board and he always seemed to have a reason. We didn’t know whether he was a rat or not, but this story stank to high hell.
The Don signals to me to look at the bite while he tries to reason with Paulie.
“Paulie, you have to appreciate my perspective on this, OK? It all sounds a bit too whack-job for me to believe in all honesty. Now, I’ve got my sawn-off pointed at you underneath the desk, but I don’t want to have to use it, capisce?”
“Boss, boss, boss. Hold on a second, I would never…”
“V, look at the neck.”
There are two distinct bite marks there. They seem to have hardened over and the skin around the infected area had dried out and gone white with all his veins bluer than blue.
“Y’know, Paulie, I hear that if you get bitten by a fruit, it’s only a matter of time before you start to embrace the sausage.”
“Yeah, yeah. How’s it look?”
While I’m close, I take Paulie’s .38 off him, but don’t aim it at him.
“Honestly, Paulie? That’s messed up. Boss, I think we need to get him to a hospital.”
The phone rings. The Don keeps his eyes and aim fixed on Paulie as he picks up the receiver with his spare hand.
“Yeah? …really? Well, isn’t that something. OK, OK. We’ll talk more here, you guys canvas the area, see what you can find.”
“What’d they find, boss?”
Paulie begins to sweat bullets.
“I-I-I I swear, boss. This guy came at me and bit me.”
“Boss, he definitely got bit. Let’s figure this out before we do anything rash.”
I hear the Don cock the shotgun, ready to fire.
“OK, but I’m keeping my guard up. I told you prohibition would make people go all nutty.”
“That may be, but something’s not right. Paulie, did you get a good look at the guy?”
“Like I said, makeup and all that sortsa shit. And he was wearing a cape.”
“Boss, bite or no bite, this all sounds too convenient.” I raise my sights and aim at Paulie.
The phone rings.
“Knuckles, you better have…”
Knuckles is screaming down the phone. I can make out the phrases, ‘Quits thrown like a ragdoll… Two Fists had his head just about twisted off… I’m bit deep and bleeding out’ while the Don is trying to calm him down before he hangs up the phone.
“Sorry, Paulie.” as he disarms himself. “V, give Paulie his gun back and bring the car around. We’re going fruit-picking.”
I think I can see myself adding to this one over time as well. I quite enjoyed working with my idea of the mobster vernacular.
I just honestly can’t spend any more time today writing because I need to get back to exam revision. Le sigh. Again, any comments/criticisms welcome!