One Random Night in Shinjuku

I hinted at the end of the last entry (perhaps even in the title of the last entry) that I spent one random night in Shinjuku. Because I basically story-teased the lot of you, I’ll spare you the boring bits and hop straight into it.

After meeting Kirsty and Satoko in Shinjuku, I was waiting for them to withdraw some money from an ATM. In Kabuchi-ko, a very popular tourist area, I was approached by a white guy in his ‘50s, slightly balding with glasses, a pot belly and missing four of his front teeth on his jaw.

He informed me that he had met me many times before and that in fact, we were old friends and that I have been in Tokyo ‘maybe’ five years. I corrected him and said that this was the first time we had ever met and that this was my first time in Shinjuku and I had only been to Japan once before in 2010.

“Ah, you are New Zealander, yes?” he said. I corrected him yet again, saying that I was Australian. He told me some story about how he was Greek/Australian, but hasn’t been back in Australia for 32 years. What he then proceeded to tell me was a clear indication as to why he hasn’t been back.

Without skipping a beat, or even having a beat to skip, he said, “I know what you want. 15,000Y (Maybe $195AU) for one hour with a girl of your choosing. You have the sex. You can shower before or after, or use condom facility if you want.”

I seriously don’t get why or how I attract pimps just about everywhere I go, but it happens at least once per trip that I take. Is there some level of innate sleaze that I have that I am completely oblivious to?

Moving right along, we found the Golden Gai district. Being a Sunday night, many of the places were closed, which was a shame.

This particular area just east of Shinjuku Station is maybe one city block in size. Contained within is somewhere around 200 tiny bars that would have trouble fitting more than six people in each one of them. Many of these bars are themed. There was a jazz bar, an anime bar, a UK punk rock bar… Just about any pop culture taste could be accounted for in this amazing little block of ramshackle two-storey buildings.

The first place we stopped was Bagel Burger, where the owner is really into his video games and manga, and made burgers on bagels too. So we ate and drank for a while, just shooting the shit in Japanese and limited English. Satoko had noticed on our way there a Hospital-themed bar, which the owner of Bagel Burger suggested we go to.

Also, Predator started playing while we were at Bagel Burger. That film even holds up when it’s dubbed into Japanese, I kid you not. I’m pretty certain the only line they didn’t change was “Stick around.” right after Arnie impales a guy to a pillar in a small hut using a thrown machete.

We moved on to Hospital Bar. The owners there, two females, are very interesting people. I’ll get to why in a moment.

The walls are scattered with anatomy sections from books and detailed ‘how-to’ guides in case of heart attacks or people passing out.

The Hospital Bar also has one of the smallest toilets I’ve ever been in. I couldn’t actually pull my pants down past my knees because of the limited around of room for my legs.

Their invented cocktails are all named after medical terms or procedures. They are also served to you in medical beakers or formaldehyde jars and the tables are small and made entirely out of stainless steel.

They also have a blow-up doll named Akika that is in a nurse’s outfit and is suggestively restrained by rope.

And now it’s time for a game. Of the following, please list them in your own order of least-likely to have occurred on the night, to most-likely to have occurred on the night.

– My Star Wars t-shirt drew massive praise and I was officially declared ’otaku’.
– We were joined by a sleazy guy in his ’50s who was called ’Sensei’ and was very adept at making origami.
– Towards the end of the night, we were joined by a hypnotist. That is to say, his actual job is to hypnotise people. Not a hobby, his actual job.
– We watched songs from a Bollywood movie called ’The Robot’.
– I held and fed a sugar glider.
– We were shown four small jars of animals in formaldehyde – a baby rat, a baby snake, centipedes and maggots.
– I was told that ladyboys would be very attracted to me.
– We ate chicken from medical trays.

Now that you’ve read them all and compiled them into an order of least-likely to have occurred to most-likely to have occurred, I’ll tell you exactly how many of those things happened on that night in the bar known as the Hospital Bar…

(INSERT DRUMROLL HERE)

.

..

…

Every.

Single.

One.

Of.

Those.

Things.

Happened.

Or ESOOTTH!

Lemme guess, you’d like to see proof?

Fine. Have at it. Fill your boots (or your eyes, whichever feels more appropriate).

My drink, the Sensei of Sleaze, Akika the blow-up doll and the tables and chicken in medical trays.

Also, my drink was designed to ‘clear you out’. Ahem.

Next, a heck of a lot of origami!

Sugar glider drinking milk in my hand. Of all the things that occurred, this was probably the most ‘what the?!’ of all for me.

Apologies for the blurriness of these shots, I didn’t want to use flash in case I startled the little guy. Here’s another!

Now, the woman you see feeding the sugar glider in the first shot is married to
a Japanese film director, Takao Nakano. Only he’s well-known for making films like ‘Big Tits Zombie’ (a film that I have, but haven’t watched). So here I am, being the Japanese film buff that I am, sitting across a table from the wife of one of the slightly more cult film directors in Japan. This kind of bled into me being accepted or praised as ‘otaku’.

The other bartender there, a larger woman who presented the formaldehyde jars with small animals in them (unfortunately I did not get a shot of this) informed us that this was in fact her hobby and that her bedroom was, as she put it, “not a very nice place”. Then we were given flyers for an exhibition that she is currently putting on in Tokyo of – you guessed it – animals in formaldehyde and various other (I’d say Giger-inspired) artworks.

That draws Tokyo to a close for now. That whole night was sensory overload.

Next time – I dial back the ‘awesome’ a hell of a lot.

Thanks for reading too! From what I can tell, I’ve had record-setting hits on these past couple of entries! Go readers, go! Ganbare!