So, it has been well over six months since I posted in this blog.
But tonight was a solid reminder of why I should do my best to write at all and or any times possible.
I can’t even fathom why, but sometimes the universe just has a way of throwing these things at you.
Since my last update on Blogostino, I’ve had my heart broken twice. The first time this happened was with someone I cared about a great deal who had confessed that she held similar feelings towards me – negate the fact that she had a long-term boyfriend for a moment, if you’d be so kind – but I never wrote about it because this space was always something for me to be celebrated and enjoyed. Escapism from everything that is and will be, if you will.
I could never bring myself to write about that situation in detail because, well, there’s no point in doing so. Ultimately, the person in question made a choice. That choice was not me. I can’t hold a grudge against someone for making a choice. Ultimately, we’re socks. If you like a pair, you stick with them until it’s fucking done and there’s absolutely nothing left.
Following on from that particular time, another person entered my life. I still don’t believe that she is a bad person. However, after the events that transpired, I can only surmise as to what type of person she actually is – one that does not know what she wants. After a few months of not knowing exactly where I stood with this particular person – dates, sex, a relationship and whatever else came inbetween the two – she confessed to a friend of mine that she was indeed “serious” about me and that she wished to get married and build a relationship with me.
I was happier than a pig in fucking mud. Someone I liked actually liked me back.
However, it became apparent to me that some of my choices in life require second-third-fourth-fifth-sixth look overs.
I say this because no less than two months after this apparent meeting of the minds, the relationship in question came to an end.
I ascertain that I will not write ill of any particular individual on Blogostino. This place is not a place for naming and shaming, nor do I ever want it be.
At the core of everything that I am, I love to tell stories. I love to let people know what is happening in my life and why it is happening to me. Furthermore, why I am such a lucky individual to experience as much as I have, and will continue, to experience.
For reasons unbeknownst to me, I’m listening to Billy Joel right now.
To paint a picture for you, dear reader(s), I was invited to a hanami party (sitting amongst and viewing cherry blossoms) this evening by coworkers at one of my many part-time jobs I’m currently working. At this particular party, everyone expressed how valued I am to this particular company.
Acceptance is something I’ve always struggled to understand. I don’t know whether it is something I’ve gone out of my way deny. I seem to have a positive impact on people wherever I go, but this lingering sense of self-doubt keeps nagging at me…
“There’s no way I could impact people in such a positive way!”
“Maybe they just think I’m a nice guy…”
“Why do people like me?”
..and for the fucking life of me, I can’t even begin to comprehend why these feelings exist or where they come from.
I have an amazing family, amazing friends and a pretty amazing life. I am blessed, and feel blessed, in everything I do.
Last November, I had to move apartments because my former housemate got a new job in Tokyo. I managed to find a place that was reasonably priced and in an amazing location in Kyoto. Reading this, you may not understand how lucky I am. To give you a relative example, imagine living in the heart of Melbourne, but paying a grand total of $100 a week on rent for the privilege to do so. That’s my current situation.
Tonight, my former housemate contacted me, as he was visiting Kyoto for a brief moment. Good times were had reminiscing about times past and what’s happened since we last saw each other.
Prior to that, I sat amongst cherry blossoms in full bloom, eating self-serve BBQ with geishas in training, established businessmen, young people trying to find their way in life, and a variety of folks I didn’t get to talk to. Good times were had.
Sometimes we focus so hard on what is happening around us, that we fail to see that there is more happening around us than we’d like to believe. At the end of this month, I’ll have been in Japan for exactly two years. I don’t regret anything that’s occurred here, only what I’ve missed out on experiencing in my home country – the birth of my newest niece, Raina, the growth of Darcy, Lachlan and Julia (my nephews and nieces) and the regular comings and goings of my friends and family.
Until next time, folks, find happiness in your life and milk it for everything its worth. Life is precious. Enjoy it.