By the time I write my next regular weekly entry, I will have turned 29.
Fuck a duck.
That’s not me telling you to go and fuck a duck, but I’m not going to judge you if you feel like you should engage in some mallard mating. I could piss and moan about how getting older is taking it out on me, but really, I’m enjoying my life now more than ever. I don’t have time to consider the ramifications of aging.
Rather, I’ve decided that aging should now be referred to as ‘getting faster at dying’, ‘age proficiency’ and my favourite – ‘levelling up’.
This week was a battle of epic proportions – me versus the head cold that just wouldn’t give up.
Tuesday morning I awoke to a scratchy throat and a dry cough, knowing that I do not have the time or the patience to get sick, I rested for the day in the hopes that the potential cold would pack it in and find someone else to bother.
My rule for fighting off colds once it becomes apparent that they wish to try and take hold is gorging on excessive amounts of Vitamin C, kind of like how Emma & Tom’s Extreme C juice has 365% of your RDI – I say, “Not enough!” – and try to triple that amount. I achieve this by having a tall glass of Sunzest Organic Orange Juice (delicious), rapaciously consuming a whole orange and then taking two Vitamin C tablets, just for good measure.
If that’s not enough, I consume soup on a daily basis also. Now, there is nothing to suggest any plausible link between soup and medical remedies other than filling your belly, but it just makes me feel better, dangnammit.
Then the final preventative measure – cold and flu tablets.
These three methods combined usually equals success and I rid the cold from my system, ever vigilant to face another day and fill my head with other nonsense which I then write about in this here blog.
This week, however, the cold lingered like an awkward house guest. Everyone else knows they’ve overstayed their welcome, but the message hasn’t quite sunk in just yet. The only way to combat this is for one of the hosts to usually declare how tired they are and shall excuse themselves from the social proceedings. IF the awkward house guest continues to linger after people have gone to bed, well, that’s just plain creepy. If you wake up in the morning and the awkward house guest wishes to continue the party from the point at which you left off, you have my permission to hit them with a rolled-up newspaper until they get the idea that they are not welcome in your humble abode.
The problem with using an awkward house guest as an analogy for a cold is that colds don’t fucking listen to this kind of commonsense and reason. Especially my colds. I have a history of chronic sinusitis and had a turbinectomy and septoplasty performed in 2007. These procedures are designed to help clear up the nasal airways, which they did, but any form of head cold ends up becoming a return of the repressed, or The Empire Strikes Back of head colds.
Anyhow, said cold managed to severely impact my week in terms of levels of enjoyment and things to talk about, so I really have a lack of things to write about in this post. Yet somehow I’ve still managed to chalk up 550 (Exactly! OMGCOINCIDENCE) words up to this point.
I finally got around to seeing Bridesmaids.
I’ll pause here for a moment to let you all drink that in. You’re probably wondering why me, a manly male man-man speci-man (gross exaggeration much?), sat through a movie like Bridesmaids. Well, because it’s funny. No, seriously. It is F U N N Y. Kristen Wiig is establishing herself as one heck of a comedienne. Outside of the long-ish running time, the film was packed with comedic talent and walked that line between ‘chick flick’ and ‘suitable for all’ really well. It was good to see Rebel Wilson and Rose Byrne representing the Aussies – even if one was playing a Brit (slightly poor accent work) and the other a trophy wife of old American money.
Part of my week was also spent collating the most epic random 80’s playlist… For purposes that are yet to be revealed, because I have that oh-so-mysterious air about me. So many forgotten (and rightfully so) bands and songs.
This is troublesome. The first time writing in this blog and I literally feel like I’ve run out of things to write about. So I’ll end this entry here and double up this week with another entry at some point!