Where Did Two Weeks Go?

I could’ve sworn I wrote an entry in here a week ago.

But no, that’s not the case. As it turns out, I’ve neglected this blog for more than a week. Tsk tsk, Paul. Cheeky so-and-so.

And now that I’ve finally got some time to sit down in front of a laptop and put some words to… screen ..I guess I can’t help but feel like I might as well have something damn well important to say.

Sad fact about that is that I really don’t have anything important to say. Not even something of interest. Just words.

Sometime in January I had a plethora of tests done to my body. Unfortunately, none of them were to actually ascertain whether I have super powers or anything even remotely cool. They were all diet-related and blood-related.

The reason behind doing so is pretty simple, my family and the term ‘dietary restriction’ are like two peas in a pod. Unless one of the dietary restrictions is of course, the inability to eat peas from a pod.

Mind you, that’d just wipe out any possible pea-related consumption now that I think about it.

Who on earth could be allergic to peas?

I understand that there are people out there who don’t like the taste of peas – that’s totally fine – but how could anyone have a pea allergy?

Interrupts flow for a quick Google search on ‘allergic to peas’

OK. Turns out you can, in fact, be allergic to peas.

And legumes.

Legumes is a funny word.

Speaking of legumes, there’s a reheat option on the new microwave at work for legumes.

How fucking specific is that?

Someone in the factory must’ve been all, “Hey! What the fuck does a person push if they need to reheat legumes? How many people have sat down and eaten cold legumes on account of the fact that they don’t have that option on their microwave?! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION OF THE HIGHEST ORDER AGAINST LEGUMES!… and people that eat them.”

So someone went out of their way to make a legumes button on a microwave, and that person was hailed by vegetarians everywhere. No more cold legumes.

Back.

To.

It.

After having all those blood tests done in January, I was given the all-clear on the diet side of things. Huzzah!

But then, a pause.

(DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT)

The test results showed that my liver had traces of alcohol in it.

Is there a nicer way to call somebody an alcoholic? I certainly can’t think of a nicer way to approach the topic.

What was odd about it at the time is that I hadn’t been drunk in over a fortnight, and I thought I’d kept my social drinking in check. Test results say otherwise, so my goal was to cut back on drinking alcohol for the next few months.

It was a definite shock to the system at the time, hearing that there’s a chance your liver could be shutting down on you.

Long story short, I cut back, had more test results done and whatever figure it was that the tests showed was cut virtually in half, meaning that my liver function is normal and healthy.

Time to get drunk!

No, no. I’m not going to go jumping back on the horse of inebriation so swiftly, lest it kick me in the liver for another time. But I had this re-test done in time knowing that I’d be leaving for Japan in less than a week. Now that I know I have a clean bill of health, it means I can worry less about the time spent in bars, worry more about enjoying myself.

Again, the flow of damn is so damn expedient I have less than a goddamn week in Melbourne and so much to bloody well do before I leave.

At the very least, I can now say that I have my itinerary set for my Japan trip and I’m pretty stoked about what’s in store. You shall all read all about it in coming weeks, my small, but oh-so-loyal audience. Seriously, if you read this blog, thank you (Look at all the emphasis – all of it!). Maybe I don’t do that enough, but for Odin’s sake it’s good to know that I at least have a readership.

Stand-up Comedy

Fringe Festival registration opens tomorrow. That’ll all get off the ground before I go and I gotta write up a stack of expression of interests for a number of venues.

I got my second taste of performing stand-up comedy last Monday. I didn’t find out until Sunday night that I would actually be performing as part of an open mic night run by RMIT.

While I’ve been writing stuff like crazy for the past couple of months, I haven’t actually been refining it, timing, practising any of it. It’s all just been a mess of words and things that I find funny.

Anyhow, what I decided to do for this particular stand-up set was get up there and see what came out after a day’s worth of writing. Good news it that everything I put out there was well-received and got laughs. Bad news is that I burned through the material and then didn’t really know where to go from there, so I just kind of said I was done and handed the mic back. It was all said and done in less than 4 minutes, which is a shame that I didn’t take my time and see what else came out. Something I’ll learn with more performances, no doubt.

The fact that everything I said (bar one improvised extension of a joke) got laughs was a great sign that even if I’m kind of stumbling my way through the performance aspect of it, the material I’m producing is solid at the very least.

The only downside to the whole thing is that I wound up contracting a terrible head cold after the performance and felt like crap for most of the week following it.

I dare say that the next post you read on here will be full of Japanese goodness.

Or would that be Japanese goodness-aru?

Happy dance time. Excitement increasing…