Sometimes, life gives you lemons. At other times, it gives you ridiculously hot chilli.
How hot, you ask? Well, dear reader, no less than 1.2 million on the Scoville scale.
This is an origins story of an ordinary man who came to be known by the title ‘The Chilli Commander’. That ordinary man is me.
In 2011, the Scorpion chilli was rated as the hottest known pepper in the world. Two years later, an Australian living in Kyoto at a Mexican restaurant undertook what seemed to be an impossible task – devouring a bowl of ‘Hell Soup’ that contained an entire Scorpion chilli.
But that’s getting too far ahead in the story. A week or two prior to me visiting El Latino Matsubara, Greg informed me via text of what was to come.
The conversation went something along these lines…
Greg: Do you know of or have you tried the Scorpion Chilli? 1.2 million scoville units.
Me: No. But I must try it. Now.
Greg: I went to a Mexican restaurant and the owner is importing some next week.
Me: FOR GLORY!
So Greg, Luke and I headed to El Latino Matsubara, a small Mexican restaurant that sits on Matsubara Dori in Kyoto. If you ever eat at this restaurant, you have to sit at the counter, otherwise there’s no point in going. I’ll get to why that’s important in a moment. On our way to the restaurant, I saw this sign…
They had me until owl.
The hottest chilli I had tried before this was the Rocoto chilli, also known as ‘hot lips’. The Rocoto measures a mere 50,000-250,000 on the Scoville scale. The day that I ate the Rocoto chilli was a memorable one. Coughing fits, sweating, tears and general discomfort all occurred when I was chewing on the flesh of the Rocoto chilli.
Considering that the Scorpion chilli is at least four times hotter than the highest rated Rocoto, I was curious about the effect this chilli would have on my body.
Oota san, the owner and chef, is a really funny guy. He basically said that the reason he imports different hot chillis is almost purely for entertainment purposes. This is why you must sit at the counter while eating at El Latino.
We placed our order and Oota san’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. He kept telling me that the chilli was really, really hot. So hot, in fact, he was holding it by the stem while it was snap frozen because apparently you need to wear protective gloves while you are cooking it.
While Oota san was making the soup, I heard a loud ‘Whoo!’ from the kitchen. And then a barrage of laughter.
Out came the soup. It was in a large bowl, with three smaller bowls so it could be shared. Only Greg cannot handle spice and Luke isn’t particularly fond of it either. So they tried one teaspoon and agreed quite quickly that this soup was very hot. A young woman was sitting two or three seats down from me and was curious about what was going on, so I offered her a sample of the soup to try. She tried one spoonful and immediately became a real-life impersonation of ‘Scream’ by Edvard Munch and held that expression for at least two minutes while panicking and asking for cold water.
So I tried the first mouthful of ‘Hell Soup’. What’s interesting is that at first, it doesn’t seem so bad. It’s hot, sure, but nothing too excessive. And then… An intense burning sensation that sits on your tongue for at least 5 minutes afterwards. The burn doesn’t go away, it just slowly decreases over time. When I went back for more, Oota san was impressed. Apparently, most other people have had two spoonfuls of this soup and given up. The girl sitting near me referred to me as ‘Superman’ at first.
But as the consumption of the ‘Hell Soup’ continued for the next hour or so, Oota san settled on a far more fitting nickname when he expressed how impressed he was by almost shouting the phrase, “Nice, Chilli Commander!”
I persisted with consuming this soup, as I decided I was going to do my best to finish the whole damn thing. With each mouthful, the impact of the chilli was kind of like putting petrol on an open flame – it would burn brighter and longer. It eventually got to the point where The Chilli Commander was defeated.
Oota san also felt it was necessary to describe how I would be feeling the next day when he would act out a braced squad by placing his arms out in front of him with clenched fists and squatting low to the ground and screeching ‘Whoo!’ at the top of his lungs and then cackling maniacally.
The point at which I had to throw in the bowl was when I realised that my lips were numb, my mouth on fire and my tongue wasn’t really able to detect any level of sensation. This is how much was left from the full bowl.
I’ll admit that I was disappointed that I couldn’t finish the entire thing. The soup itself was actually very delicious once you got past the unbelievable amount of spice contained within.
I was still worthy of the title in Oota san’s eyes, as he offered me a mask to wear, cementing the legend of The Chilli Commander.
And a bonus 10 points for the random expression on the face of the guy on TV. Chilli Commander signing off… for now.