Melbourne and the Blue Mountains

Having to play tour guide for the Crazy Canadian made me realise just how  much Melbourne has to offer.

The first day/night was Brunswick Street, Johnston Street and Smith Street followed by the Royal Carlton Gardens and Victoria Street for some quiet drinks.

Mind you, after leaving the airport to hear the words, “Wow. We’re already in the outback.” meant I had to go out of my way to prove that Melbourne had a thriving alternative cultural scene to investigate.

Also, I never expected to have to explain the phrase “Taking the piss” to someone, but when that someone thought it meant literally extracting urine from an individual, an explanation seemed necessary.

The second day consisted of checking out the CBD, Federation Square, Chinatown and Melbourne’s laneways, arcades and various other stops along the way. After checking out the Occupy Melbourne movement, we headed to St Kilda for dinner, checking out the beach and quirky folk that inhabit the boardwalk area. Luna Park has also been declared ‘creepy’ by my accomplice on this journey.

The third and final day was spent trying to avoid rain (read: impossible) and after me explaining just how much money had been pumped into the Docklands versus how many people actually go there, the Crazy Canadian decided that we must go there. The freakin’ rain, though, somehow managed to make Docklands evern more of an enigma than it already is.

Lygon Street was the location to close out the experience of Melbourne I was able to drum up in the short amount of time available.

In Paul versus Godzilla, I wrote about a day spent in Matsushima with the Crazy Canadian, where Greg and I made the mistake of feeding her Black Thunder ice-cream for breakfast. I clearly didn’t learn anything, because the gelato we had set off an epic giggling fit about everything and anything.

Travelling 860-odd kilometres in a day is a pretty impressive feat. The drive took about 10.5 hours in total. Four stops were made along the way. Two were to fill up the car with petrol. The next was the Dog on the Tuckerbox, only we didn’t actually stop to check it out. I can, however, say that I’ve officially been on the road to Gundagai and can declare that it was neither memorable or special enough to have a poem AND a song written about it. Seriously, Jack O’Hagan and Banjo Paterson have a lot to answer for. The final stop was a brief dinner break atop a mountain watching the sun go down and stuffing our faces with an earlier purchased Subway Italian BMT six-inch sub.

I had set aside 100 songs from the ’70s, ’80s and ’90s, but was unable to find the time to compile the songs into a format that suited the car. No, I don’t own an iPod. No, I couldn’t spare the the time to burn 30 CDs or so. But the CDs that are in the car were surprisingly good, so that plus free-flowing conversation ensured the trip was very smooth.

The GPS we used was generally on the mark and helpful. However, at one point, it turned us down a road labelled ‘Unauthorised Entry Prohibited’. I didn’t care for this sign, as my trusty GPS had not let me down yet. An unsealed dirt track with potholes within potholes and littered with all manner of Australian wildlife led us toward another strange area, where signs saying “STOP – STRICTLY NO PUBLIC ACCESS” and “THIS IS NOT A PUBLIC THOROUGHFARE” were up. I decided to take notice and it turns out that we were about to drive into the Goulburn Maximum Security Correctional Facility.

After high-tailing it in the opposite direction as fast as possible, the route recalculation was overruled by me when I saw a sign saying “Jenolan Caves” pointing in the opposite direction to that of the GPS. My instincts were correct and after a 5km, almost exclusively hairpin-based hillside road, we arrived at our destination. Not that there was any indication that we had made it to the place we intended to arrive at. The windy-as-fuck road into the establishment leads directly in, so much so that you turn a corner and you’re there.

Because we arrived at 10pm, it wasn’t a very opportune time to partake in sightseeing, so that would have to wait for the following day.

After gorging on our free continental breakfast (thanks for our free upgrade to the hotel, school that booked out the entire backpacker accommodation!), we decided to go for a hike/walk through McKeowns Valley. What would have been nice is if the ‘walk’ we decided to take had a specific end point. But no, we continued the path into the wilderness. After crossing the third creek and our ‘path’ being less and less clear, we decided to head back in fear of winding up in either a ‘Deliverance’ scenario or a ‘Man vs. Wild’ scenario, neither of which we were prepared for.

I’ll get to putting up some photos in the next post that delve into some more detail of the trip itself, as I’m running short on spare time. The remainder of the first day spent in the Blue Mountains was walking shorter, more achievable walks, a dinner at the swanky Jenolan Caves restaurant and closing it out with an extended night tour of the Temple of Baal.

On that, I only got to see the River Cave and other parts of the Lucas Cave leading towards the Temple of Baal in my time at Jenolan Caves. Effin’ amazing stuff, I tells ya. This is why I signposted the photos in the previous paragraph. I’m not even sure my pictures will do any of it justice. The Temple of Baal itself is a wonder everyone should behold with their own eyes at one point. 320 (approximately) million years old with some of the most amazing rock formations I’ll ever see. After chilling out with a wallaby and possum for 30 minutes or so, we called it a night.

Day two actual of the Blue Mountains was a bit less engaging than the one that came before it. The main reason being a flat rear driver’s side tyre. When I say flat, I mean, it was flatter than Brian McFadden’s F-sharp. Admittedly, I should go easy on the guy, because he probably didn’t learn the alphabet beyond A, B, C.

Anyhow. Flat tyre = me calling the RACV with my newly-purchased ‘Total Care’ cover package.

The use of the term, ‘total care’, is completely arbitrary it seems. Flat tyre? Well, sure. If you have a spare that they can change for you, no big deal. If you need a tyre patched or repaired – not their problem. If you have a flat and no spare tyre? Then you might as well be crowned king of all that is the road. Accommodation, car hire and t0w truck are all covered.

A simple flat? Niet. Nein. Non. No.

A story I’ll go into more depth about later occurred, and we wound up at Will’s Tyres in Oberon. That Will, what a card. I shouldn’t joke, as they helped us out in a really tight spot and it only set me back $30 to boot. Score!

Leaving Oberon in the late afternoon, we made our way towards Kanagra Walls. Another amazing view of another amazing area. We were told by a tour guide that several national parks exist within the confines of the Blue Mountains.

We headed back into Oberon for dinner, which offered up the treat of $8 schnitzel night. A full plate of schnitzel, chips and salad for $8. I dare you to find  better deal, Melbourne. I DARE YOU.

We headed back to the Jenolan Caves to get a good night’s rest before heading out towards Sydney. I’m going to shut down this entry here as it is getting quite long, but not anything near comprehensive.

Expect photos, more on the Blue Mountains and that other city in Australia, known as Sydney.